It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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