Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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