If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize