your parents love me but you hate me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize