the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
