I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
