margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
false alarm, still single
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
