why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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