im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She announced her abortion via fbk
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
