She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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