dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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