No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
