Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
