if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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