it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
