dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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