Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
