is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
