you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
