I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
