i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
