I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
