I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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