We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
