Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
