You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She told me I should be a condom model.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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