She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
