He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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