It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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