She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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