I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it glows. i had to have it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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