I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
