Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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