What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
