i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize