Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
