btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize