I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
