turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
