I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
