I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
