My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
