Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
