Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She bit a glass in half.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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