Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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