i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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