You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
