dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize