I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
