When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
