I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
God, I missed his penis.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
