i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
