My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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