Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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