if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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