Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it's like iHOP with fire
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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