So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
