The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
