the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
