it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
