I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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