If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
