Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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